I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
