The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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