You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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