pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
