I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
