careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
