Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
