having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
