Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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