Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
