he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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