just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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