I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
