I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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