Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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