Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
