11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
