I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
