Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
