whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
