Already got asked if we're dating
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
