I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
