i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
