I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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