eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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