So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
