I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
