I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
