Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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