He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I touched a dick in church today
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize