would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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