I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
