Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
