I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
