I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
