either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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