I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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