I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
