I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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