well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
