tequila makes me forget i have legs
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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