im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish they made helmets for livers.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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