i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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