dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
