Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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