i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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