How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
