This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
