So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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