what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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