YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
