it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Such a big mess for such a small penis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
