i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
