Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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