were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
