I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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