i permit you to call me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
