my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
