All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
