So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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