i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
