I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
