Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
