4 words: hood of his car
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
