i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
