Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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