im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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