What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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