Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
