Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
