You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
