i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
