Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
