with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
