dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
