well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
