opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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